I hadn’t uploaded this picture before. Not just because I’m not too proud of the mustache-goatee combo, but because you have no idea just how sad I was when I took it, and it kinda hurts to look at. I had just gotten the worst news in the world –at least until a week and a half later when I really got the worst news in the world. I got fired from my job the day before Thanksgiving of 2024, and I had never been so much in the pit of despair as that day.
So why share it? We have the terrible habit of only sharing the perfect moments of our lives –that lovely breakfast, the moment she said “Yes”, a perfect sunset, birds– but it’s because we don’t want to feel vulnerable, or too seen, or, God forbid, human. But every now and then, it’s good to share a tear, or a frown, maybe even a little blood. Not for the attention, no. But in my case at least, it’s part of confronting everything I’ve been through since. And for which I am incredibly grateful.
Yes, even the horrible last months of November and the beginning of 2025.
This is me, right now. I’m writing this post waiting to board a plane to Madrid, where a number of firsts await. First time crossing the Atlantic; first time seeing my family since 2019; first time seeing my niece and nephew since they were born four years ago. And also, first time in more than a year that I can truly say I feel at peace.
Only fools look at adversity and learn nothing from it. This raging bitch of a year has made me (forced me?) to take a goood, hard look inside and confront so many mistakes. It made me finally come to terms with my age and how I should comport myself –but always being me. One of the biggest mistakes I discovered was that it wasn’t enough to be a good person with good intentions to assume that people will be comfortable around you. Also, I took so many peoople for granted, and many people just couldn’t take it anymore. I have forgotten how many times I’ve said I’m sorry during these last twelve months.
But I am also so incredibly lucky. I am still healthy. I found a great job early this year, filled with people who took a chance on me, and through hard work I managed to get where I needed to reach. I am almost at a point where I can feel financially comfortable, and doing something I truly love, with people I genuinely like.
And through it all, I am still with an amazing woman who has put up with my crap over and over again. I hope that it’s because she sees I want to be better, that I want to deserve her, that I want to make her (and myself) proud.
My flight will start boarding anytime now. I have this mix of nervousness and excitement that I can hardly describe. You’ll have to settle for what I just wrote here. But I am happy to report that the “Sorrys” have been changed to “Thank yous”, that I realize that I can change for the better, and that there is hope in the horizon.
Truly, I am a lucky guy.
My Mind in Letters 